Diaries of a Retail Clerk: Shingles

I have been subjected to so many oddities in my 36 years.  NEVER have  I encountered such weird and awkward moments as when I’ve been deep in the abyss of retail.

I started my retail career in high school as a worker bee behind the counter at a toy store.  I dusted, ordered Playmobil sets, read romance novels the owner left under the counter and played with the kids that lived in the apartment behind the shop. ( In the store of course.  You know-make believe stuff with swords and pretend horses).

This job was just the beginning of my weird encounters with the public.  The employment I took on after the toy store was at my aunt’s fabric store.  I stayed on there for 12 years.  Let’s just say that within that 12 year time-span I dealt with a lot of crazies.  Eccentrics.  “Passionate”  customers with a “vision”.  After about 8 years I decided that a notebook should be kept in the break room so the employees could keep track of the REALLY weird projects and awkward conversations.  A special place where we could share the stories and laugh on our lunch hour. I only wish I had thought of it sooner.

“Diaries of a Retail Clerk” will be a special section of my blog that’s dedicated to some of these stories.  I will start with a diary entry from myself (I’ll need to check with the other girls to make sure they are up for me “publishing” their tales.)

*******All names of customers have been changed :)*********************

Dear Diary,

Today Maryann called (one of our very good customers that is a little wacky but we love her).  I answered the phone.

“Oh Amber–just the person I wanted to talk to!  How ARE you?”

“Just great Maryann.  How about you?”

“Well,  pretty good now,” she answered.  “I’ve been pretty sick for a while.  That’s why I haven’t been in.  I’ve had shingles.”

“Oh! ” I said.  “That’s not fun.  But at least it’s just in one area right?  It’s not like having Chicken Pox all over your entire body?”

“Well, no. But it’s pretty bad because that area happens to be my anus and vagina!”

Sorry I asked…